Great Read
I read this article this AM. After last night’s game where we lost by one run in the bottom of the sixth I thought this tied into a fitting life lesson that we, parents, teachers, and leaders, should all understand. Listening to Switchfoot’s ‘Learning to Breathe’ on the way to work this AM didn’t help either.
My brother Matt says, “We are raising survivors”. And, no I don’t think he means the contestants on a reality show. How do we teach our children to survive? This is my opinion. Our children are going to need the ability to discern and learn what is right and what is wrong, or as they grow older what is ‘high risk’ and what is ‘low risk’. We have to teach our children that failures are going to happen. Its inevitable.
If we don’t learn to deal with our defeats and short comings in a gracious and proper manner then we are destined to fail again and again. Read the link and tell me that somewhere amidst all of the fame and fortune that Huntington failed to understand this simple fact of life. Einstein said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results.” Maybe Mr. Hartford’s money drove him insane. Maybe having the successful results before ever being given the problem was his downfall. You could also presume that having zero successful results would also be problematic, but history has shown that obstacles can be overcome.
We have to teach our kids that failure is ok. Losing a game or failing to catch or hit a ball is part of the Scientific Process. Now that isn’t necessarily what we tell them, but as their mentors we need to keep that in mind. Always pointing out their faults or always telling them how ‘bad’ they are is not motivating them to do better or to learn properly. Neither is the opposite which is telling them how ‘good’ they are- it causes the ‘Willy Loman‘ disease. As mentors, our job should be to offer simple and clear communications of results. We should basically commentate the parts of the Scientific Process and help guide the iterative nature for the next problem or opportunity.
The Scientific Process can be understood with this very simple example. When you try something there is a result. Is it the result you expected? If so what caused the outcome? If not, what caused the outcome and how can you do it different next time? What was done right or what was done wrong can quickly be deduced by the individual implementing the process (ie. the kid). The parent or mentor’s job is not to judge the results, that is the kid’s job, how else can they learn if we tell them constantly that the results are right or wrong? Sure, there are some obvious results of decisions children make on a daily basis that we can safely say are right and wrong, like “don’t stick your hand on the hot stove, or don’t hit your sister”. But if we didn’t tell them those obvious results and they stuck their hand on the stove or hit their sister, don’t you think they would figure it out? Hopefully.
So, last night when we had many many attempts for catching/hitting the ball that affected the outcome of the game, what happened? What can we learn from our mistakes? The answer to that question seems easy, but its really not about the answer. Of course, we should have ‘used two hands’ to catch the ball, or we should have ‘been more aggressive while running the bases’. What is truly the most important aspect of this example of the Scientific Process is our attitude. Are we ‘open’ to learning? Are our hearts and minds ready to receive the results of our efforts? We have a ’cause and effect’ type of process. Are we ready to accept the effect? Can we accept it properly and graciously in order to make our next effort or cause be successful?
For some people, in my experience and observation, this is more or less easier to some than others. Why? Not sure really, other than past experiences pertaining to learning and life was painful and harsh, therefore a ‘hard heart’ or ‘defensive’ nature keeps those people from truly realizing the ‘answer’. That is my best guess. If someone were to press me for why I’m stubborn, I’d have to say its due to the fact that I’ve not had the best of teachers. I don’t trust them to keep the process of learning sacred because it is so personal and intimate. The sensitivity of the learning process is important and when it was compromised for me, my mentor’s became questionable.
We fail so often and we have grief and criticism abound at every corner that it would be hard to live life without some pain or discomfort. Our teachers and parents have so much influence and power in this area that it could be the deciding factor in how well our children ’survive’. If we are too overbearing with our judgement of the results caused by our children’s actions, then we get ‘rebellion’ and distrust. If we are too lax with our efforts our relevancy and leadership is questioned which brings about discontent. It is a fine line to walk and balance. We have to be willing to show our children that letting them find the answers while we observe and guide them is the utmost importance.
In the software and web field we have a term called “Failing Safely”. It means when the program or website experiences an error that wasn’t expected by the programmers, regardless of what the user was doing, the result should be something the user can discern. Instead of showing some type of ‘code’ (“Error 0×00202191aksf”) or ‘blue screen of death’ the user is presented with a simple and effective message. It happens a lot in this business. Any user can say that with gumption. But, in all honesty, in order for the program to work effectively, because its an iterative work in progress (ever hear of a patch or update?), it needs to fail. That is how ‘us programmers’ can make it better. In order to not scare off the users (that would make them ‘non-users’, right?… we don’t want that.) We have to let the program fail safely. Our kids have to fail safely too.
jhalljhall | 
06 17th, 2008| 
